The Arrest
by Katrine K
Summary: Another version of Chappy 1 is up... the HTML got messed up... so, here's a text version.


Disclaimer: No, I don't own Zelda, nor do I own Neopets... and they won't sell them for less than $100... so, as much as I want them... I'll never have them. :(   
  
A/N: Humor authors make a deal about going from funny to serious. I'm going from serious to funny, or at least attempting to.... well, just say if I should continue doing humor... oh, and I'm also going from regular story to script format. Tell me if I should keep on doing things like this..... or if I totally suck... seriously. You're welcome to, if that's the truth. I can continue if you want, if I get positive reviews, of course.   
  
Well, this takes place when Link is young, after OoT though, when they're about 12, before Majora's Mask. Well, here it goes...   
  
*Scene opens to Malon browsing on the internet on a dell laptop, on Neopets.com*   
  
Malon: Dammit, why isn't there any Rainbow Quiggle Plushies on the Shop Wizard? gr.... *keeps refreshing* they're all in galleries... *keeps refreshing* ooo... here's one, but dammit... it's out of my budget...   
  
*refreshes one more time and shortly after that's done, a new email from "hero_o_time@msn.com" arrives*   
  
Malon: Ooo... an email from fairy boy... let's see what it says...   
  
hey malon zelda and i are going horseback riding, zelda thought you'd might b interested. meet us in 15 minutes by the kokiri forest entrance. b there or... whatever. link  
  
Malon: *reads message and logs off* I'm there.... let's see if the parental unit allows... *yells downstairs* HEY TALON!!!!!!!   
  
Talon: *yells back up, just as loudly* WHAT MALON???   
  
Malon: CAN I GO RIDING?????   
  
Talon: SURE!!!! BE BACK BEFORE..... WHENEVER!!!!   
  
Malon: THANKS!!!!!! *runs down stairs and out door, goes to pasture-thingy, gets on Epona, rides bareback out of Lon Lon ranch*   
  
*near the entrance to Kokiri forest, right by the passageway, Zelda is waiting on her white horse*   
  
Zelda: Where is he? It's not right to keep a Princess of Hyrule waiting... is he having trouble with Kallie? Impa was able to control her... the Hero of Time should be able to....   
  
*Link comes in on a red, bucking, wild horse, he finally gets it to calm down*   
  
Link: What the heck is this thing?!? It's not a normal horse....   
  
Zelda: Of course not. It's bred in Kakariko... it's a Sheikah horse....   
  
Link: And... what's that supposed to mean?   
  
Zelda: They're somewhat rough, but Sheikah like riding them, it's a challenge.   
  
Link: What do you mean?   
  
Zelda: That's Impa's old horse.   
  
Link: Oh. That explains it.   
  
*Malon comes riding in on Epona*   
  
Zelda: Here's Malon! Let's get going!   
  
Malon: Where are we going?   
  
Zelda: Where ever I say we're going.   
  
Link: HELLO? WHAT ABOUT ME?!?!?   
  
Zelda: What about you?   
  
Link: I WAS THE ONE WHO FRICKIN' WENT ALL OVER HYRULE!!!   
  
Zelda: But I'm a Princess of Hyrule, and Princesses always win.   
  
Link: I'M THE FRICKIN' HERO OF TIME!! DOES THAT ACCOUNT FOR ANYTHING?   
  
Zelda: You're done saving Hyrule. So, no.   
  
Link: Yo momma so... ugly... that she... she... was ugly. Yeah!   
  
Zelda: Oh my god, you can't even insult me well.   
  
Link: That was a good insult.   
  
Zelda: No. This is a good insult. *takes a deep breath* Yo momma so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.   
  
Malon: You go girl.   
  
Zelda: I know, I know.   
  
Link: Yo momma is... is... is...   
  
Zelda: Yo momma's so stupid, she sat looking at an orange juice box for twenty minutes cuz it said concentrate.   
  
Link: is... so... so...   
  
Zelda: Yo daddy's so...   
  
Link: *holds up a hand signaling to stop* Okay, I only know just a little bit about my mother, and nothing about my father. I think we should keep him out of this.   
  
Zelda: Okay. *continues insulting Link* Yo momma's so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost.   
  
Link: *continues thinking* so... so... ugly....   
  
Zelda: Yo momma's so stupid, she gave birth to you.   
  
Link: ugly... oh, THAT YOU'RE UGLY TOO!   
  
Malon+Zelda: *gasp* How dare you!   
  
Link: What, she was insulting me too.   
  
Zelda: *starts crying* That's a big offense mister! I have to call my guards! *takes out a high pitched whistle and blows it, and although no one can hear it, hoofbeats can be heard in the distance*   
  
Link: Oh, sh*t.   
  
Malon: Do you get into arguments a lot?   
  
Link: Actually, no, not really.   
  
Zelda: You're gonna get it!   
  
Link: That's comforting.   
  
Malon: Wait, what are you gonna do to him?   
  
Zelda: He's under arrest for violating Section 2, Paragraph 8, Clause 2.   
  
Malon: And... what's that?   
  
Zelda: Insulting Her Royal Highness, punishable by torture.   
  
Malon: You're gonna torture fairy-boy?   
  
Link: Hey! I don't like that name!   
  
Zelda: Well, the guards are, actually, and they can choose the type of torture that they want.   
  
Link: I just hope it's not what I think it is.....   
  
Zelda: Shut up. You don't have any rights right now.   
  
Malon: Here they come!   
  
*Five guards on white horses come*   
  
Guard 1: Princess, what is the problem here? You blew the arrest whistle.   
  
Zelda: This young man here is under arrest for violating Section 2, Paragraph 8, Clause 2.   
  
All Guards: *gasp*   
  
Guard 2: You are under arrest for violating Section 2, Paragraph 8, Clause 2!   
  
Link: Yes, we all know that by now.   
  
Guard 3: How can you find it in your heart to insult her?   
  
Link: She insulted me first!   
  
Guard 1: Why don't we listen to Zelda's story?   
  
Zelda: *in tears* We were just gathering here, and I was just saying that he can lead us to where ever he wants to go   
  
Link: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight......... *guard gives Link nasty look*   
  
Guard 4: Let the Princess continue her story.   
  
Zelda: *sniff* Thank you, sir. *sniff* And then, out of nowhere, he said *in an excellent impression of Link* Yo momma so ugly, THAT YOU'RE UGLY TOO *breaks down in tears*   
  
Guard 2: tsk, tsk, tsk. How could you?   
  
Link: You should've seen the insults that she said to me.   
  
Guard 3: Where did you find it in your heart to say things like that?   
  
Guard 4: You should be ashamed of yourself.   
  
Guard 1: Get him tied up, #5. We're gonna take him back to the castle.   
  
*The silent Guard #5 took out a straight jacket and put it on Link*   
  
Link: GET ME OUT OF THIS FRICKING THING!!! DON'T I HAVE ANY PROTECTION AS THE HERO OF TIME?????!!!!!!??   
  
Guard 2: *looking at an important looking document* No, no "Hero of Time" is mentioned in here. I think you're making it up.   
  
Link: No, I'm not. I'm a legendary figure.   
  
Guard 2: A twelve year old? I think not.   
  
Link: I HAVE THE FRICKING MASTER SWORD!!!!!   
  
Guard 2: The Master Sword is just a myth, I don't believe in it.   
  
Link: NO IT ISN'T!!!! I USED IT TO KILL GANONDORF!!!!!   
  
Guard 2: I've never heard of Ganondorf being bad. He used to associate with the King, but then he dissapeared.   
  
Link: THAT'S BECAUSE I KILLED HIM IN THE FUTURE!!!!!!   
  
Guard 2: You mean you travelled in time? That's preposterous.   
  
Link: BUT I FRICKING DID!!!!!! THE MASTER SWORD LET ME!!!!!!!!!   
  
Guard 2: Now I know why you insulted Zelda. You're insane. *to Guard #5* Tighten that straight jacket for me, please? *he tightens it, Link screams in pain   
  
Link: I'M NOT FRICKING INSANE!!!!!!!   
  
Zelda: Yes you are. *sniff, tear* This was very traumatic!!!!!!   
  
Link: ZELDA!!!! YOU KNOW I DON'T DESERVE THIS!   
  
Zelda: *still in tears* I won't forgive you!   
  
Link: ZELDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
*Guard #5 picks up Link and carries him over his shoulder*   
  
Zelda: Guard #5, *sniff, tear* may you please make Link's *sniff, tear* journey as miserable as possible? *sniff, tear*   
  
*he nods, he's a mute*   
  
Zelda: Good. *sniff, tear* Let's go Malon.   
  
Malon: Okay. *yells out to the now retreating party* Good luck in jail, fairy-boy!   
  
Link: DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!!!   
  
Zelda: *to Malon, no longer crying* Ya wanna go into Kokiri forest and wreck Link's house?   
  
Malon: Sure.   
  
*they go into the Kokiri Forest as the sun sets*   
  
Well, now you know a bit about my strange sense of humor.   
  
Tell me if that sucked. Oh, I'm taking a short break from my other Zelda fic, "From One to Another." There's a few fics that I want to write... some Zelda, some not... so, I'll work on that more later. If you liked it, I ended it like this for a reason. After a little brainstorming, I can do another chapter.   
  
Adios, Ciao, Au Revior, Cyonara, Goodbye! ~ Katrine K ~ 


End file.
